A Venture into Poetry, 1994

Long before I decided to write short stories and novels, I tried my skills at writing poetry. My eldest son was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his second year of university. If you know anything about mental illness, then you know that the patient isn’t the only one who suffers. Once released form the hospital, he left. We didn’t know where he was and that’s when I wrote The Voice.

No matter where I go, no matter how I try,

I cannot escape ti; it’s part of me.

It threatens my sanity with what if and why,

It’s never really satisfied, the voice deep inside.

Did I do my best? Did I do all that I could’ve done?

Would he have stayed if I had tried to understand?

Did I love him too much, smother him alive?

It’s not really forgiving, the voice deep inside.

How do I know if I made the right choice?

How do I live with the fear and the doubt?

Will he ever be happy? Will he be satisfied?

It’s not really comforting, the voice deep inside.

Like a leech, it sucks away at my self-esteem,

Leaving me once more alone and confused.

Will he call? Will he write? Is he safe?

It’s never quiet, the mother’s voice deep inside.

After a difficult decade, our son accepted his illness, received treatment and has been able to get on with his life. Today, he owns his own web design business, works as a tutor for the local college, and is an Elder in his church. He has a strong, supportive group of friends. If you want to see a sample of his work, check out my website. https://mhsusannematthews.ca/

Mental illnesses like schizophrenia, now referred to as a spectrum disorder, can’t be cured, but for those lucky enough, like my son, they can be controled. We are truly blessed.

Have a great weekend!