Where Are You, Spring?

Welcome to the winter that doesn’t seem to want to end. Day 2 of spring, and we’re expecting more snow, as much as 15 cm (6 inches) by Sunday afternoon, and if that isn’t depressing enough, we can expect temps below freezing and into the minus double digits Celsius until at least the end of the month. Don’t get me wrong. I love snow IN DECEMBER!

But, it could be worse. Some people are dealing with atmospheric rivers, others with tornadoes, and still more are watching death and destruction raining down on them and their neighbors in yet another senseless war.

This week has been a stressful one for me, and the stress probably won’t go away for some time. It’s not all the war talk, the price of food and gas–although those are depressing. It isn’t the arthritic pain that makes my joints ache on the side opposite my new hip. It isn’t the weather, although that is contributing to my frustration and making it hard to increase the number of steps I take each day. It’s my concern for my family members that’s weighing on me. My husband is working crazy hours when he should be winding down, but the most difficult situation is my granddaughter who has let home and moved in with friends. I know, at 18 she’s certainly old enough to do that, but she hasn’t got a job although she’s been trying to find one, but living at home with a successful sister has made her feel like a bigger failure than ever. Her temper is hairtrigger and aimed at everyone. Her college program last fall turned out to be not what she expecyed and she didn’t go back for second semester. While she’s registered at the local college this fall, I’m afraid that the choice she’s made to go and live with friends may not be in her best interest ans she won’t follow through. The problem is, she won’t listen to anyone else. Finding a job when everyone demands experience but no one is willing to take a chance on you and give you some is almost impossible, but until she has one and feels validated somehow, things will only get worse.

In my head I know I can’t fix this, but in my heart I feel that I need to try. They say that once you become a mother, you never stop worrying about your kids. For me, that’s true, but I find myself worrying about my grandchildren even more, and the current state of the world isn’t making it any easier. What if some numbskull does push that button? We are closer now to annihilating ourselves than we’ve ever been.

I’ve tried to motivate myself to focus on the positive things in my life, the good things I’ve accomplised, the good that’s still out there in the world, even though it’s getting harder and harder to identify, and my writing career I use the mantra to convince myself that even though I can’t fix her problem of low self-esteem and self-worth, I can be there for her, offer love and encouragement, give her odd jobs to do to earn money–I won’t just give her money, although I will continue to pay for her cell phone, and hope that I can find the right words to comfort her.

Becoming an adult was never this hard in my generation. Thank goodness I don’t have to in today’s world. I doubt I’m strong enough to do it.

Here’s hoping next week brings brighter days and better news.